What was wrong
by broomstick flyer
Summary: I was going to add this one to my allsorts folder but after several reviews pointing out that the last one shot I added should have been seperate, I posted this as a one shot. Hermione wonders what is wrong with her, why does she feel the way she does?


I'm not the owner of any part of Harry Potter or his friends, so this is my disclaimer distancing my self from the books and placing me firmly in the world of fan fiction. Well its easier this way I dont have to claim any resposibility for any part of the last two books.

What was wrong with Hermione.

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She could not figure out what was wrong why she just seemed incapable of feeling happy anymore, unable to enjoy her lessons or her homework she felt depressed and extremely sad and didn't consciously know why. '_I'm Hermione Granger everyone calls me the greatest witch of the age, I should not be feeling this way'_, she told her self as she walked up to the Gryffindor tower. At first she had thought it was because Ron was with Lavender Brown and not her after she had planned for him to be her boyfriend this year, but he had stopped seeing Lavender last week, the feeling hadn't eased any even after being with him all week.

Then when Ron finally noticed Hermione had been practically throwing her self at him all year, he asked her if she would go to Hogsmeade with him and she had readily agreed. She had even allowed Ron to kiss her several times, but it had constantly felt like something was missing, his kisses did nothing to make her feel better; the kisses and her reaction to them were not how she had imagined they would be.

Ron arguing with her throughout the day of their first date in the little village did not help her feel any better either, if anything, it made her feel worse because it made her remember all the times she had enjoyed her visits to the village. Harry had been with them then, taking her into the book shop or buying her an ice cream while Ron was in the joke shop. One thing she definitely did not want to remember was that any good times she had were always with her ex best friend, and not Ron, but if she did not think of the visits to the village with Harry then she had no good times to remember. All her time alone with Ron was filled with arguments tears and sadness.

All through their day in the little village of Hogsmeade the feeling had been just as bad as it was the rest of the year since her former best friend had taken the hint and stopped talking to her about his suspicions. Suspicions she had put down to his increasingly paranoid delusions. Her former best friend Harry Potter had in fact stopped talking to her period. _'I should be happy. I have every thing I set out to achieve at the beginning of the year. I was able to distance my self from Harry. I have the boyfriend I wanted now that Ron has packed in Lavender, so what the hell is wrong with me.'_ she wondered as she entered the Gryffindor common room.

Hermione's mood did not change even as she went through the miserable few days until the end of the term that came prematurely with the proof that Harry's suspicions had been correct, and the two people he had said were plotting something had brought about the invasion of the school by death eaters and the headmasters death at the hands of Snape and Malfoy. Harry might have been right but she was still with Ron as her boyfriend, nothing else had changed so she should be happy, she was not.

Nor did her mind change when Harry's suspicions had been proven to be true and she had been in the wrong to accuse him of being paranoid. He still had that damn potion book after all. The fact that the headmaster was murdered by professor Snape and Draco Malfoy didn't seem enough for her to apologise to him, not while he still got better results than her in potions class.

Yet Harry never even thought to say I told you so, instead he blamed himself. She still felt no better when she had finally tried to apologise to Harry for not believing him, for not helping him, and he had simply ignored her completely as if she did not exist.

She was even more miserable when she met her parents at Kings Cross station for the extended summer break. Her mother asked her what was troubling her but she claimed not to know, in all truth she kept wondering herself why she felt so bad. She had all she had logically decided at the beginning of the year that she wanted from her sixth year at Hogwarts, and had succeeded in doing all she set out to do even if it had taken longer than she had expected.

By the fourth week of her holiday she was still feeling the same way, she had, just two days earlier refused to visit the Burrow to be with Ron or to accompany her mum and dad to France for their annual holiday. Instead she stayed around the house moping about, waiting until it was time for her and Ron to visit Harry at Privet drive at the end of next week. Like every thing else she wasn't happy about the visit but Ron had promised.

At eight pm that evening as she was cooking herself a little supper Hermione heard a scratching at the window, looking out she saw a slightly blood stained owl, it was a snowy white except where there were dried blood streaks on her wings. Hermione knew almost instantly that it was Harry's owl Hedwig.

"If you weren't injured I'd be sending you right back Hedwig, I made my decision at the beginning of the year, logically it was the only sensible choice. I have to stay away from him because he practically has a death sentence hanging over him. I need to finish school and do well on my NEWTs and think of the future, not keep running off on some stupid and dangerous quest. So if he just wants to talk about his new suspicions you will be going back empty handed so to speak." She told the blood covered bird as she removed the letter from her beak and began to clean away the dried blood from her wings. Even though she could find no wounds she cast a quick healing spell on the bird just to be sure she would be ok, it was the all purpose healing spell for birds she had learned in care of magical creatures class. Hermione placed the owl along with some water and treats on the perch she had bought for visiting owls and left her to get some sleep.

Hermione dropped the letter which she noticed was on ordinary note paper on to the table as she went back to her cooking. Putting her supper on a plate she walked into the living room and turned on the TV.

Two hours later she placed her empty plate on to the coffee table and then made her way up to her room, getting changed into her pyjamas she got into her bed and began the process of reading her self to sleep. For a reason she did not want to admit she managed to get a good nights sleep for the first time in quite some weeks. She woke at just after ten thirty the next morning, took a leisurely shower, and brushed her teeth. Returning to her bedroom she took her time choosing the clothes she wanted to wear for the day, and brushing her hair that was much longer than it had been when she was a first year, she felt quite a bit better, looking in the mirror and seeing her hair was no longer bushy as it had once been, it was still curly but it now hung down her back past her waist, the weight of it taking out the bushyness. Although she did not admit why she was much less depressed as she got dressed and went down stairs to the living room she definitely felt better, after conjuring a quick cup of tea she sat back to enjoy a little day time TV.

It was just after two in the afternoon when she decided it was time to eat; she made her way into the kitchen carrying the plate from the night before, telling her self off for not having washed it after eating as she should have done. She had just finished cooking a ready made lasagne for her lunch when she noticed the letter still lying where she had dropped it the night before. Picking it up she sat back on one of the chairs having decided to see what he had to say, after all she was feeling a little better since it had arrived so it wouldn't hurt to see what he had to say, if it was more rubbish about his suspicions she could simply ignore it. At least he was willing to write to her after her treatment of him for the past ten months, that single thought cheered her more than she would have liked to admit.

Hermione opened the letter and began to read the bloody finger print covered writing she did not recognise_,_

'_To Harry's girlfriend Herminion. Please help! Harry has been seriously injured, he was hit in the back with something really nasty when he saved me from some madmen in white masks that attacked me. I have tried all I can think of but I can't stop the bleeding. I am terrified of leaving him in case he dies alone while I am gone, can you send help? I have him hidden in the old government bomb shelter in the fields behind Wisteria walk at the park end of Privet drive. Please try to help him as I don't know anyone else's name in your world, and at the rate he is losing blood I don't think he can live much longer the way he is, maybe an hour, two at the very most._

_Dudley (big D) Dursley'_.

Hermione had just finished reading the letter and thinking that maybe Harry's cousin was as crazy as Harry said he was, especially if he expected her to fall for such nonsense. That was when a tiny owl landed on the table right in front of her. Recognising the owl as Ron's she eagerly reached for the letter it carried, a surge of hope filling her heart as she prayed it was a letter proving she was right saying Harry's cousin was crazy, and that Harry was ok, that he was uninjured alive and well and now staying with Ron at the Burrow. Hurriedly she opened the folded parchment to find a short letter from Mr Weasley, Ron's father.

'_Dear Hermione, I am sorry you have to be informed of this by letter but I'm afraid everyone is too busy to visit right now. Hermione, Harry is dead! He was found seriously injured along side his unconscious cousin last night at ten thirty. Harry died from blood loss before he could be portkeyed to St Mungo's. His funeral will be held at eleven am, the day after tomorrow. _

_Ron has told me that you are, sorry, 'were' no longer close to Harry, but I thought you would like to know having once been his best friend, and as I was his surrogate dad, you were the first girl he told me he was in love with. Again I am sorry you had to be told in a cold unfeeling letter, and I hope to see you at his funeral._

_Arthur Weasley.'_

Trying to deny the words she read, Hermione read the letter once again. It was as she read it the second time that everything seemed to hit her all at once. Realisation that she had been afraid to remain close to him because she was in love with him, and she had buried those feelings so she would not be hurt by being rejected and losing his friendship. Friendship she had lost anyway by pushing him away from her. He had loved her and now she could never tell him that she loved him, she would never get to talk to him again.

The hurt and rejected look in his eyes every time she had spoken harshly at him during the past year filled her minds eye. With the knowledge that he had told Mr Weasley he loved her, she now knew that love was what lay behind the tear filled eyes when she called him a cheat. That thought wiped away all the denials she had forced on her self each time she thought she might be falling in love with her green eyed best friend. She had fallen in love with him a long time before and then denied it to her self just as she had denied it to anyone who had asked her. She had forced her self to believe she had only platonic feelings for him, it was only now that it was too late she had finally faced the truth.

The thought that had she read and believed Dudley's letter when it arrived the night before Harry might still be alive, no he 'would' have been alive because she could have alerted the order and he would have been found at least two hours earlier and would still be alive filled her mind. Harry Potter the man she had denied to her self that she loved for so long was now dead because she ignored a letter she thought was from him. The pain in her heart this thought caused made her physically sick even before the tears started to flow freely down her cheeks.

Hermione was still sitting in the same place holding Arthur's letter several hours later, guilt, regret, self hate and the pain of a shattered heart filled her every emotion till she could no longer function properly so she just sat and cried.

The day before ~~~

Harry had always been quick thinking when he was in tight spots, and he was in a tight spot now. Five or six death eaters had him and his cousin Dudley pinned down in the field they often used as a short cut across from the estate to the local shops. Using several blasting spells to make the death eaters keep their heads down, he used the momentary lull in spell fire from them to half drag his huge cousin to the old bomb shelter set in the middle of the field. As soon as they had reached the cover of the old second world war building and safety the death eaters gave up and vanished into thin air using port keys.

As Harry slowly stuck his head out from cover to survey the field and he quickly realised they were gone. Then he spotted something that caused his adrenalin fuelled brain to rapidly form an addition to his plan to finally be rid of Voldemort and to be free of the order of the phoenix and the manipulations of his former head master.

Pointing his wand at a sheep that had obviously been mortally wounded across its back in the spell fire, he used the remaining adrenalin rushing through him to help him transfigure the sheep into an exact likeness of himself.

Stepping out from the bomb shelter he quickly placed a disillusionment charm on him self, did a switching spell to put his clothes onto the sheep/Harry, he ripped the back of the shirt open and then imitated a loud cry of pain. Stepping back out of the way Harry stood absolutely still as his cousin Dudley stuck his head out from the doorway of the shelter, looked around then made a quick dash to the bleeding form of his cousin, lifting the body he quickly retreated back inside the bomb shelter. A minute or two later Harry saw Hedwig approach. Once she had landed on his shoulder he told her to go to Dudley, "He will hopefully have a note for you to deliver soon," he told her hoping his cousin had enough brains to use some of the discarded note paper strewn about the inside of the bomb shelter to send for help, it was only seconds before she took flight again and swept into the doorway of the old ruin.

Harry then quietly walked away from what would be seen as his own death. Knowing he was truly alone in the world now, except for his only faithful friend Dobby and his familiar Hedwig, he chuckled at the thought _'not much of an army to take on Voldemort with'._

The Funeral ~~~~

Harry stood under his invisibility cloak hidden from the few mourners at his funeral. It came as a small shock to him to see the very small congregation standing in the graveyard at Godrics Hollow. As Arthur Weasley presided over the service, the Weasley twins and Ron were the only other Weasleys there. Hermione was standing with Minerva McGonagall and Hagrid, both of whom seemed to be holding her up as she stood there with her head bowed and tears falling.

His cousin Dudley stood alone several feet away from the wizard folk, he kept looking around nervously while all the time he had one hand on his posterior.

Neville Longbottom stood quietly with his grandmother and Remus Lupin just behind the Weasleys. To Harry's horror when his best mate Ron turned around to Lupin and complained rather loudly about Harry letting them all down by not fulfilling the prophecy and killing Voldemort for them before taking the easy way out like the coward he was. There were only two voices who spoke up against Ron.

Hermione's head shot up and she glared a death glare at Ron as she hissed "He was a far better and braver man than you will ever be Weasley. You were not even worthy enough to kiss his shoes."

"H… Ha… Harry d... died saving my life. H… He was a very brave person." Dudley stammered staring in disbelief at Harry's so called friends.

Arthur muttered a few words to him self before he called for everyone's attention, "Well you all know why we are here. Harry James Potter was a good kid and we will miss him," was all he said as he pointed his wand at the coffin and lowered it into the grave next to his father, a quick wave of his wand and the grave was filled with soil. As soon as the soil filled the hole everyone turned and walked away. Everyone but Hermione Jane Granger, the girl he had been in love with for as long as he had known her.

Harry could not believe they could all think so little of him after all he had done for them and for their world. Most of them were still alive because Harry had saved them in one way or another. There were no flowers, no one making a small speech. No one with anything good to say about him, not even a single goodbye was said as they simply walked away and left Hermione behind. And Ginny Weasley the girl he thought he might be able to fall in love with as a replacement for his first love wasn't even at the funeral, neither was Molly Weasley the woman who had declared he was like a son to her.

Harry could hear Hermione crying while in between her sobs she was begging him to forgive her, professing her love for him and asking him to wait for her to join him in his new adventure. He stepped toward her not knowing what he was going to do, when a bright white light that shone brighter than the sun and had a golden aura around it appeared between the grave stones of his mother and father.

Both Harry and Hermione had to shield their eyes until the light dimmed, looking up they saw Lily Potter standing in the light. Neither of them could speak or move as they stared at the apparition in front of them.

Harry listened as his mother stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Hermione's shoulder "It's time to put right your mistake from last year Hermione child. Go home, Harry will be waiting for you there, tell him how you feel for him and help him as you have done in the past," Lily said as she seemed to look right into Harry's eyes before looking down at Hermione.

Harry was about to turn to leave the grave yard and find somewhere to apparate to Hermione's house from so she wouldn't hear him, as he realised he had no idea where Hermione lived. As that thought entered his mind he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, turning to see who it was he looked into the eyes of his father.

Before Harry could gasp in surprise or call out in shock he found himself standing in someone's living room, his father standing in front of him. "Forgive her Harry, she made a huge mistake but she has suffered enough for it during the past year. She has been miserable without her soul-mate to complete her, she has been lost without you and your love, being a Muggleborn she did not understand her strange feelings for you. There is a book in your trust vault; it's the only one in there. Its title is 'Bonds for the Bonded' get it and read it with her. Forgive her and admit your love for her for without her you can not win. Only with your bond intact can you hope to survive to have a long and happy future. James Potter said before he pulled his son into a warm embrace and then simply faded away.

Harry was completely speechless as his father spoke to him. He had so many questions he wanted to ask but his mind was devoted to listening to his fathers words, finally as his father faded away Harry managed to whisper "Bye dad, tell mum I love you both, and thank you."

Harry remembered to remove his invisibility cloak and fold it up then shove it in his pocket, as he folded the cloak he decided not to let Hermione know he had been at the grave side during his own funeral, he was still disgusted with how few of his so called friends had turned up, and he was angry with how those few had behaved. So he stood in front of the empty fireplace and waited for Hermione to arrive home. He did not have long to wait before he heard the tell tale crack of someone apparating into the back garden.

Harry heard the back door slam open and the sound of running feet accompanied by Hermione's voice calling his name. She burst into the living room and without stopping she launched her self into his arms. Harry hugged Hermione almost as hard as she was hugging him. As she leaned back a little to get a good look at him, he bent his head forward and placed his lips on hers in a passionate kiss. The kiss lasted for well over a minute before they separated to breathe some much needed air. "I missed you so much this past year," Harry said as he moved forward to kiss her again.

Several minutes later Hermione was asking Harry to forgive her for what she had done, but Harry refused telling her she had done nothing wrong, "If anything I was the one in the wrong for not telling you how I feel about you," Harry said in a quiet voice. "I love you Hermione Jane Granger, I love you and I will always love you."

Several minutes of kissing and two cups of tea later Harry had explained to Hermione why he had done what he had done. For a few seconds she was angry with him for letting her think he was dead, then she realised that he had thought she no longer thought of him as a friend, why would he think to tell her what his plans were. He had already told her how his father had brought him to her house, and he had willingly waited for her, just as his father had suggested. Several more minutes were spent kissing before they left to visit Gringotts bank. They caught the knight bus, Harry wearing his invisibility cloak and sitting on the chair arm next to Hermione.

An hour later sitting in a small restaurant on the outskirts of Greater London Hermione had just discovered why she had felt so miserable all year long. She was reading the book James had told Harry to get from his vault, she had just learnt and accepted that she was Harry's soul mate, and in the wizarding world she was officially the wife of Harry James Potter. Between them Harry and Hermione worked out that according to the book as headmaster of their school Albus Dumbledore had known for two years that they were married, it stood to reason there fore that some members of the order also knew they were husband and wife, instead of telling them they had continued to keep Harry prisoner at number four privet drive, and left Hermione to work through a totally miserable year alone.

The chances of them ever trusting any member of the order in the future were nil. Harry was also furious when he realised that the Weasleys, the family who had professed their love for him and yet could not be bothered to attend his funeral except for his ex best mate who it seemed had only been there to complain and call Harry a coward, they must have known about the marriage, Dumbledore would have told Arthur and Molly Weasley for certain.

It was as they left the restaurant that Hermione noticed they were now wearing identical wedding rings, before they left London for Hermione's home, they decided they deserved a honeymoon, so that they could try to catch up on what they had missed during the past year. Neither one of them gave a thought to the magical world that had treated them both so badly. They wanted time to be together as man and wife and as long as Harry was dead they were going to do just that. They also decided that they would take Hermione's parents with them in order to keep them safe.

Two days after the Granger parents returned home, the Potters and Grangers left the shores of Britain on board a large cruise liner, they intended to travel the world and have what for Harry would be the first happy year, free of pain, trouble, and manipulators. Hermione Jane Potter was determined to see that Harry got the happiness he truly deserved, and so that is what she did, together they learnt as many spells and charms from all the different cultures in the lands they visited. They would be fully prepared and ready to face Voldemort when they returned to England and their destiny.


End file.
